The Magic of Journaling

I wake up and check my phone for my e-mail, “updated just now.” It can’t be, there must be something wrong with my e-mail, perhaps the internet connection is bad? Give it until lunch break, something will hopefully turn up then. “Checking for mail” my e-mail reads. Come on, come on, “one unread message,” fragrance.net?!? I gotta figure out how to get rid of these spam e-mails. It’s been 3 MONTHS since I had auditioned, how can they still be deciding??? This is pure torture, the not knowing, it’s worse than the rejection. Everyday. If I don’t get into this program, then I’ll have another summer at home, not making any progress. It’s just endless practicing with nowhere to perform, no goal, no reason. Well, if I haven’t seen anything past 5 p.m, then I’ll probably have to wait again until tomorrow.

“Checking for mail,” here it is! “We are so sorry to have you wait this long only to have to tell you that we cannot offer you a spot this year.” This cannot be the message I waited 3 MONTHS to hear. How do I even move forward? How does one continue to sing when they aren’t actually performing? I know my voice is making progress, but there’s no way to actually “prove it” or feel that I’m moving forward.

This was back in 2017, when I was first beginning my journey of self-reflection. You know those feelings of angst and frustration you feel when things aren’t going how you want? I've found for myself that it’s a sign that something’s not right and there is a lesson to be learned that will keep happening until you figure it out. After some melodramatic searches in google of “how to not be sad” and “how to get over disappointment,” I found a blog of how to keep a voice journal. The blog (I don’t remember how I found it nor do I remember the name) gave ideas for what to write about including summarizing lessons, things learned, “aha’ moments, anything voice related.

Fast forward to now, where I have just finished writing on the last page of my first voice journal. After looking through it, I am amazed at how much I have transformed as a person. I went from soppy, detailed accounts of my insights in lessons and my own practice, to excitedly writing about my first experiences in summer programs. One in particular, I write about how I had sung in Puccini’s family home in a little village called “Celle.” Beautiful place. In another account, I’m writing about my schedule for the day in NYC. Valuable lessons that I learned and have taken me farther than I thought within a couple of years.

Below is a list of things I found myself writing about and are ideas that you can consider to write about as well:

-Important points/things to fix from voice lessons.

-Feelings and sensations I was experiencing in practice.

-Plans for how I would like to practice.

-Notes of masterclasses, studio classes, and coachings.

-Travel experiences (from summer programs).

-Audition observations (what I did well and things I intend to improve next time).

-Positive affirmations.

-Things I need to improve.

-Notes for how I want to portray a piece.

-Questions for future lessons.

-Observations on my video and audio recordings.

-Creative ideas (to help with singing and performing).

-Random thoughts and realizations.

Each one of these topics played a role in my ongoing transformation. Although I do have a couple of favorites. For example, simply taking notes on things that I noticed about myself in recordings has done wonders. The more I did this, the more I became my own teacher. Details in my singing became more polished. In fact, in lessons, mistakes were corrected in my head before my teacher would suggest it. I attribute this to simply observing and writing down what needs work and what is already going well.

When I objectively evaluated myself, the writing helped me to separate myself from my voice.

Writing helps you to remember what you want to fix. I remember before I started a journal, I would work on something, fix it, and then forget that I spent time fixing it the next day only to make the same mistakes. The act of jotting down what I did or what I plan to do was what I needed to help glue the corrections in my memory.

My most favorite realization from journaling was the writing of the “positive affirmations.” I went through a phase where I would get so nervous before auditions. I tried a technique of writing say 10 positive affirmations before the audition. It’s important that even if you don’t yet fully believe the positive things you are writing, that you write it anyway. You basically, “fake it ’til you make it.” After the audition, write down how it went, what you would do differently next time, and what you did well, then forget about it. This. This is what really helped my own sense of self actualization. It gave me a sense of control. Even if nothing came out of the audition, I felt that I still gained something in the experience.

Even if writing is something you do not enjoy or find to be a chore, I challenge you to try it. Try say, once a week for 20 minutes writing what you have observed about yourself, documenting what you have done, or writing about my suggestions above. Try this for a month and see what happens. I guarantee you won’t regret it, plus you’ll have something to look back on. It’s amazing how much growth can come out of a month or even a week. This can be used for not just singing, but for self reflection, or any other craft, job, or hobby you have. In closing, “It is not by muscle, speed, or physical dexterity that great things are achieved but by reflection, force of character, and judgement” by Marcus Tulius Cicero.

Here's a picture of our cat because well, she's cute.